I love myself when I am ungovernable
Hello My Loves,
There’s a story I tell in the introduction to FULL OF MYSELF about Zora Neale Hurston. In 1934, she sat for a portrait session with Carl Van Vechten. When she saw the photos, she wrote him a note with her reaction:
“I love myself when I am laughing and again when I am looking mean and impressive.”
I think about that line all the time.
Because even now — nearly a hundred years later — the world still isn’t quite sure what to do with a Black woman who isn’t smiling meekly. Who isn’t shrinking. Who dares to say: I am proud of who I am, even when I’m loud, even when I'm that girl, even when I'm complicated, even when I'm altogether too much for you.
Zora wasn’t interested in being palatable. And neither am I.
This book is a tribute to that kind of self-love. A declaration that our full selves- laughing, grieving, angry, awkward, powerful—are all worth honoring. That self-possession isn’t just personal, it’s political.
Just as we have a right to vote, just as we have a right to equality, just as we have a right to equal protections before the law, we also have a right to the full range of our own humanity. Our bodies are more than vessels for improving the world.
It's true that our personhood might very well be a threat to a society built on the assumption of our subjugation. But even if it weren’t, even if our self-possession was not tied to justice work in any way, we would still be worthy of it.
I love myself, even when I am ungovernable.
Here’s to being mean and impressive. And full.
Joy + Justice,
Austin